Here are a Russian lady’s notes about how she built core confidence, thereby exploring the joy of dating and a beautiful love life.
How to go to an event alone without feeling daunted:
- Arrive early.
Let’s say the party starts at 7pm. In fact, most people would arrive at about 8pm. If you arrive at the party early (at 7pm), you will certainly meet the organizers who are usually the most important people of the whole party, because organizers know most people that they have invited! The organizers are the gateway to other people that you’d like to meet tonight!
So here is the plan: arrive early, and speak to the organizers. The organizers will surely enjoy speaking to you because they probably also want to do some warming-up conversations in order to start the night well. Besides, you are attending their party, so, of course, they are supposed to welcome you!
It’s much easier to speak to the organizers at 7pm because not many people are there yet! As a result, the organizers are able to give you more attention now & you become their closer friends for the night, as you talked to them first! (This directly comes from the Russian lady’s original notes.)
- When other people arrive, the organizers will speak to them, and you simply join their conversation too.
Organizers are busy (in fact, organizing a party is a stressful job), so when others have arrived, the organizers must talk to them too. Because you are already there, you can easily join their conversation as well. That’s how you meet more people & that’s how you know who is who and what’s going on very early on. This helps you understand the dynamics of the party from the start, so that you can re-calibrate along the way.
- When you see someone you are interested in, wave at them, so they will walk towards you and join your conversation.
After waving at them, they will stand in front of you and wonder if they know you or not. Now you can say to them, “You look like my friend John. I nearly thought you were John!” Alternatively, you can say, “I really like your style tonight, so I just would like to let you know it.” (If you are a shy woman, the former statement is probably easier for you to say; if you are not really shy, you just say the latter statement, please.) As a matter of fact, the latter statement is more powerful and shows your real confidence – only really confident women have the courage to compliment men on their looks fast and directly. Actually, I use the latter quite often, and 99% of the time, men’s reaction is very good because not many people would notice men’s fashion (and surprisingly, many men actually spend more energy on their fashion than you think, so they really appreciate it if you acknowledge the result they’ve achieved).
Also, when you wave at someone who just arrived, they might think you are the organizer of the party because your gesture is like a host’s. Yes, that’s the right impression you should give them. Once you’ve had a host’s mindset, you look much more confident immediately.
- Identify the “hub” and approach them.
One or two hours later, you may have already noticed who are the VIPs of the party. Usually, they are the “hub” of the event. They know most people here; everyone likes them; their powerful network resulted in their impressive net worth – This might sound a bit obnoxious, but it’s probably a fact.
Now it’s time to approach the “hub”.
When you see the hot VIP ordering drinks for his friends at the bar counter, you also go ahead and order a drink right next to him. Now you are standing by his side, and naturally your eyes will meet his, and you smile at each other. If he is a really experienced VIP, he will ask, “What’s your name?” because VIPs are the “hub” due to a reason – they keep meeting new people and building their network. If he doesn’t ask “What’s your name”, you can still say, “Hi, I’m XYZ & I really like your style.” (The compliment indicates that you are talking to him not because you want to approach him, but because you want to tell him something cool.) Then he will be really happy and say, “Oh. Thank you. I’m John.”
Now you will seize the opportunity and have an engaging conversation with the VIP who will introduce you to other people that you would like to meet later on! Another epic gateway.
How this Russian lady meets men in a rainy and messy weather (her original notes):
As long as it’s not raining cats and dogs, you don’t really need to go out with an umbrella. Going out without an umbrella gives you many more opportunities to meet men immediately:
You leave your office building for lunch without an umbrella, and it’s raining. So you can ask the man next to you, “Can I share the umbrella with you?”
He won’t say no. (If he really says no, you immediately know he is not a gentleman, so that’s a good filter!) – By the way, I tried this technique myself, the results are amazing!
Now you can walk with him under his umbrella, and this gives you two major opportunities:
- The fact that you asked for his help meets his needs to provide and protect (these two needs are men’s basic instincts). Therefore, you are showing him your femininity, which is very attractive and very important, and it doesn’t mean you are weak (this has been further explained in my book).
- You will naturally have lunch with him in the same restaurant or coffee shop, because you are already walking together under the same umbrella. This gives you more time to have a conversation with him, and see if he is the right person for you!
You don’t look needy; you just would like to have some help which gives him an opportunity to feel like a hero and gives you an opportunity to see if he is the right guy.
A bonus benefit: Since you meet him on the doorstep of your office building, it’s quite likely that he also works near here (probably in the same office building). So when you are having lunch with him, you two will discuss your work and his work (and will probably find out both of you work in the same area or the same office building), then if you are interested in seeing him again, you can easily plant the seed of catching up with him again by saying something like “Thank you for recommending the lunch here. By the way, I really like XYZ coffee shop in ABC street. Maybe tomorrow/later this week I should show you which coffee is the best over there, because it’s REALLY good.” When you say the coffee over there is really good, make sure you actually mean it, because if he wants to see you again, it’s very likely for him to say he would like to have lunch with you at XYZ coffee shop recommended by you! Yes, if he likes you, he will see this as an opportunity to go out with you soon.
“Remember: men fall in love a lot faster than women!”